In the linked thread, we were discussing a CBer’s wife thinking about a nose ring in order to “be unique”, or to stand out. I said, “She wants to stand out, just like everyone else who is piercing their nose?” Baron disagreed: “you do stand out more. It is still not common.” While he is right on a certain level, he missed the point—changing your physical appearance does not really change anything about you long term.

When people are unhappy, or maybe even just feel like they are in a rut, that’s what most go to—change physical appearance. You can get a nose ring, color your hair—even making it neon pink or green--get gauges, a facelift, a boob job, and sure people will notice. But that is short-lived, you are still the same person, and it doesn’t suddenly change lasting perceptions in a positive way.

I’m not saying one shouldn’t make changes to physical appearance at all—far from it. Losing weight, dressing nicer, working out, even surgery can do a lot for your self-image, and give you confidence you were lacking. However, it can’t end there, that isn’t the magic bullet.

If you really want to stand out and make a difference: figure out what abilities you have, and use those to build others. When it’s just about you, your appearance, your advancement—again, that’s important to a degree—but standing out long-term is about the impact you have on those around you. Don’t be a “politician”, doing things to be seen so you can advance your position, but do things that help people, that build others, and in so doing, you build yourself (there may be a proverb or two that says that same thing). That’s one of the counter-intuitive, yet accurate, truths about life.

My wife is 5’11”, and likes to wear heels. She gets noticed for that, but it isn’t what makes her stand out. For years, she has volunteered with our local schools, being actively involved in school councils, helping with events and performances, taking photos of plays, etc. She does the behind-the-scenes things to help make things better.

More recently, she has been actively involved in community initiatives that directly impact schools, and she was fighting on the front lines to make things better. She doesn’t do this to stand out, to be recognized, and for that reason she does stand out. People do know who she is, and they know they can count on her. When she has been attacked by less-than-honest people for the recent positions she has taken, those attacks were overwhelmingly rejected because people knew her, and what she’s really about. My wife’s friend recently commented that she’s a collector of people—in a good way. She doesn’t need a posse, but she likes people, brings them into her circle, and builds them up. That is standing out.

A guy in my ward is the Primary Chorister. That’s not typically a job for a man, but this guy has a talent for it. He is amazing with the children. His genuine love for them, to build them up, and help them learn and love the songs is contagious. BTW, he’s also a CBer, though I don’t know if he’s ever posted (just a lurker). He stands out to me.

Another man in my ward, Ron, is a widower. Without a calling to do so, he arrives at church early, welcomes everyone, gives hugs to those who need it. He moved into our ward maybe 2 or 3 years ago, and since then I've found out that he has spent his life "collecting people", similar to how my wife does. His "grandson" and his wife moved in with Ron. I put that in quotes, because they aren't related at all, but Ron "adopted" a young man, and helped keep him on the straight and narrow. He has done this with several others, building his "family" of unrelated people by love, compassion, and reaching out with what he has.

If you want to stand out—really stand out—make a difference. My wife always says, “Analyze and use your resources.” Figure out how you can use what you have, what you do, and who you are to build up people wherever you are. When you do that, you will unquestionably build yourself. That's how you stand out long term.