FIFA's got this world cup thing all wrong. Crap soccer countries like Honduras and Algeria have no business sharing the world stage with traditional powerhouses like England and Brazil. If FIFA had its act together, they would crown their world champion in blockbuster match between the top two point getting nations. Points would be awarded according to the following weighted formula: opinion of soccer journalists (1/3); opinion of national selection's head coaches (1/3); and secret comupter rankings (1/3).

The traditional powers that don't quite make the top two could play each other in hyped-up international matches in traditional locations. The second-tier matches could be arranged to promote interesting storylines for blockbuster ratings, like pitting England against Germany in an intriguing showdown between former WWII foes. The new system would give pedestrian international matches a "world-cup"-like feel because every match would count, and the players wouldn't miss too much time away from their clubs, which is a big problem under the current system.