I'm not usually one to post something so personal about myself, but if my experience and words can influence even one person on the board, I'll feel like I've done something positive. There are many people who frequent this board who know me in real life. While it's incredibly uncomfortable for me to divulge some of this information, I would feel selfish and ungrateful if I didn't risk my personal pride to do everything I could to try to say something that might possibly make a difference to someone...anyone. Tyscat has been on my FO for quite some time. I've met him in person a couple of times, and he was an incredible person. We shared not only a love for all things BYU, but we also battled many of the same demons.

In general, people have struggles of all kinds...struggles that you would never guess certain people would deal with. If there is anyone in your life that you're concerned about, please reach out to them. If there is someone in your life that you know is going through a hard time, don't avoid them...reach out to them and do everything in your power to help. In God's world, every life is precious. And, although we feel powerless at times, that couldn't be farther from the truth. You will never know if your words/actions will mean the difference in someone's life. There are countless people in this world that overcome things and situations that seem insurmountable. Unfortunately, there are also many people that never conquer those things. My personal belief/experience is that the people who are able to overcome struggles are the people that have people around them that make it very clear how important their life is. Please don't doubt yourself. Please, please don't underestimate the power you have as an individual to make a difference in another person's life.

So, here is a little bit about my story. I grew up with an incredible family. My parents were always very loving and supportive. If someone looked into my life from the outside, they would assume that I was the happiest kid on Earth. What people don't understand is a child's ability to hide their true feelings. As a parent or loved one, please dig deeper. Try to connect with children on an emotional level. While everything may seem perfect, there are often traumatic experiences happening that can shape a person's life. I excelled at things growing up. Academically, I was ahead of the curve. At 6 years old, I was spending the majority of my day in third grade classes. The following year I skipped the 2nd grade. That's a sure fire sign of confidence and success, right? Unfortunately it's not. Athletically, I excelled from an early age. I was able to go through high school performing at a high level...I received multiple scholarship offers in 3 different sports. Living the dream, right? Unfortunately it wasn't. It created an unhealthy desire of perfection and expectation of myself.

At 19 years old, things started to go south for me. I had trial after trial that not only convinced me I was a failure, but it also made me feel like everyone around me felt the same way. Looking back, I know that wasn't true. People around me understood my trials, and never judged me for the things that were happening that were outside of my control. But, none of that mattered to me. I had decided that I had failed everyone's expectations...and that's all that mattered in my mind. Quickly thereafter, I started to slowly creep into a different social scene. Instead of going out to have fun with my friends, I started to turn to substance abuse. At first, everyone around me just figured I was having a good time. Because I carried myself with a false sense of confidence, those around me were afraid to confront me. Needless to say, my "social" habits quickly began to spiral out of control. Instead of using substances as a crutch to have a good time, I quickly began using them as a crutch to function. That's where my life changed...forever. What if someone had confronted me before that point? What if someone loved me enough to say something instead of being afraid of alienating themselves? Nobody knows the answer to that, unfortunately. Often times, people think that a substance is the problem with someone struggling with addiction. It's the exact opposite...substances weren't my problem, they were my solution. They were the only effective way I couldn't handle my emotions. I hadn't ever developed real mechanisms to deal with things. Substances allowed me the opportunity to numb everything out...to forget about how awful things were.

Since that time, I've dealt with my struggles for years...struggles that cost me everyone and everything I love. It seems so simple from the outside looking in. "He just needs to stop"..."he just needs to get his crap together and start making better choices". If only it were that simple. I've had incredible support. I've reached out for help from people that have helped me. Even with all of that, it has still been a day to day battle for several years. I wouldn't wish my burdens on my worst enemy. To have something completely control your life 24 hours a day is no way to live. And, unfortunately, some people understandably decide that life isn't worth it anymore. Things have since improved for me. My life is slowly getting better, and I'm getting more comfortable accepting what I've done. I've come to the realization that God gave me struggles to strengthen me...to allow me to help others that may struggle with the same type of things I've struggled with.

I guess the reason I decided to post this is to let people know that those that seem like they have everything going for them may not be doing as well as you think. Don't be afraid to ask questions. The truth is that someone struggling with these issues is looking for someone they can speak to, without judgement, about their struggles. When you've lived a life with mild success, pride gets in the way of fixing things. Please, do what you can to knock that pride down and develop trust with people. Be caring. Be loving. You never know when your words will, literally, be the difference between life and death for someone.

Cougarboard is a very unique place. We all share common ground on a ton of things. There are people on the board I've argued with for years, but the fact of the matter is that my life is better because of the connections I've made on this board...including those I disagree with. Fortunately, for me, God has allowed me mercy and grace. He has given me a second chance at life. And, as a new father, I don't intend on throwing that away.