final seconds of the championship football game. Would have won us the game. Since I was never cool to begin with, I remained uncool.

(2) Also in 6th grade, I was a member of the 4 x 4 relay team, since I was faster than all the white kids. Our team won the race, but was then disqualified because the idiot ref said our last runner was in the wrong lane. In protest I climbed to the very top of the tallest tree on school grounds (in truth, it was 3-4 stories tall) and alarmed some people. Got sent to the principal's office.

(3) In 7th grade, me and my nerdy friend won the team handball tournament in 1st period P.E. Once a champion, always a champion.

(4) Also in 7th grade, while playing coed volleyball, the ball flew off into the tennis courts. In front of all the girls, I raced off to grab the ball, jumped over the tennis net, but didn't quite clear it and fell on my face.

(5) This one time I ran real fast.