My goal for this marathon was to get it under my belt. The plan was to run it as I would coming off the bike during an Ironman. So with that said I started with the 5 hr pacer and planned to slowly pick up time from there and finish around 4:45 (again no need to get a great time).

The weather wasn't the greatest (at start it was 47 and light rain). My only immediate worry was going out too fast and burning out at miles 16 🙁 Standing next to the pacer I over hear her say to another person "I always go out fast and slow down on the back end. I immediately freak knowing this goes against the plan. Oh well, just watch your time and run your race I think.

The first 4 went great and easy (11:15ish pace) get the gel pack and keep churning.

4-8 no issues hit gel pack #2 at 8 and keep going. Pass the 20 mile marker and think...I'll see you later big guy. I feel good and keep churning. I move my music mix from Metallica to a country music mix to keep my mind thinking. Current pace average drops to 10:45

Mile 10 I watch as the half marathon runners turn off and I think to myself..."dang, that could be me". But I feel great. If I was turning off now I would turn it up and push the last 3". Current pace is 10:50.

11-14 I feel good. A small pain in my right arch that I was worried was a rubbing blister but realized it's because I'm arching my feet. Once I push down and relax my foot it's fine. Hit gel pack #3 at mile 12. A couple small inclines remind me why I kept pushing training hills the past 12 weeks. I feel good and pace still within the area I want at 11:00. I've now passed the 5 hr pacer but can hear them a short distance behind me. I think to myself at some point they'll probably start to fade off I'm sure.

Mile 16 I take my 4th gel pack. It's starting to slowly taste less and less desirable. I think to myself "why did I bring all the same flavors?" There is pain in my legs but I know it's to be expected. I'm pretty much by myself at this point. I see people in about 15ft in front and know there are other behind me but I feel alone. I like this but I also hate it because I have no one to pace me against...just me. I know at some point the wall is going to come. my pace slows a bit to 11:15 but I'm churning. I wanted to keep my cadence at >170 and I am. So I don't worry as much about time seeing that my feet are still turning as needed. I think to myself...10 left you got this.

17 comes and goes as it should.

18 comes up and my mind says "my turn". I start to think about the fact that in all my training I struggled after 18. I really only got one run in over 18, which was a 20 mile run and I struggled to finish it calling it at 17.89 miles and eventually driving home and wrapping it up on the treadmill. This just keeps playing in my mind. I come up on the aide station and see my wife waiting there for me. I rip my headphones out and ask her to take them. I said I need to remove mental distractions now. My ear is killing from my headphone sitting in it. I've also built a small rash on my neck from where my undershirt was rubbing that I feel it but don't think about it ( I didn't know it at the time by my wife said she saw the blood but didn't say anything to distract me). I stop and give a quick stretch on my right quad (mistake #1). wife snaps a quick pic and I move on through the aide station. I grab a water and down it (mistake #2). As I do that the 5 hr pacer passes me (my heart sinks...WTFreak, I thought I was way ahead of them). I start my pace up again and immediately my legs scream...um, what in the heck are you doing? They really don't want to move....ugh, this sucks.

19 I meet up with my coach (he was the race director for this event so that made it nice). I tell him I hate this and I don't feel well. He asks what's up. I feel like I'm going to throw up and my knee joints are screaming. He asks if I want to pickle juice and I say no I don't want to put anything I haven't trained on in my body. Give me some water and we'll go form there. He runs back to his cart and gets me a bottle (I'm walking at this point). He says sip don't gulp (um yea, bad idea at mile 18 I realized now). We are approaching mile 20. He says this is the big mile. We stop for a picture at the sign. I said I just want to walk. He says you can walk but know the longer you do the more your legs will relax and it will really start to hurt when you run again. So we decide to do a 2:1 run/walk for now keeping my cadence at >170. He says there is a big aide station at 21.

20 all I do is keep thinking to myself..10k is all you have left just keep going. I know realize the idea of a <5 hr is gone. This is no more about time but about just finishing. I know it's going to hurt but I have to FINISH!!!

21 aide station and I stop to stretch and catch my thoughts. I take 2 shots of pickle juice and a cup of gatorade and go. I've slowed to a 12:50 pace and I start to think about how much I hate this. I think why in the world am I doing this. Why even keep going. I'm alone but only because I'm slowly getting passed. It sucks I feel humiliated and I'm very frustrated.

22-23 was a lot of boardwalk running. This actually sucked because running on it in my shoes was awkward but walking was difficult (The Nike Next% rebounded my foot weird and made my stride too long. My legs were too weak to stop it so I started to build more pain in my hamstrings). I was forced to run it even thought my legs were screaming to stop. I also felt like I was going to puke the entire time. Just fighting it back. I was kind of hoping it would come so it would be over.

24 I realize I never took a gel pack at 20 and so I take half because the thought of the taste is so unappealing. I just can't finish it.

25 is miserable. I hate every minute of it. I just want it to be over. It's been raining the entire time and the temps have stayed in the 50's. It's cold and I know the end is near but man it just sucks. The last aide station is there. I skip fluids because I just want it to be over.

25-26 mile is run along the highway next to the gulf. I hate knowing I have to walk here as people are passing me by. I feel so stupid and it's very frustrating. I know there is really no one else even around me. I am alone for the most part.

The finish....I come up off the highway and into the parking lot. I pick up my pace knowing the end is near. As I round the corner I can see my 2 boys and wife standing there. Both my boys are yelling me on...I don't think you can put into to words how it feels. All the pain is gone. I head towards the finish and both my boys are trailing beside me. I look at the finish and see my older daughter there taking video. The finish line was empty besides my family....the weather has pushed everyone away for the most part. As I cross the line everything is gone...I'm done....get the medal and walk to a bench. My legs crumble and I drop to the ground. My daughter busts out laughing. I just sit there. My legs are done and I'm sitting in the rain. A couple mins to collect my myself and it's done.

At one point I wanted nothing to do with running, endurance sports or movement..it all sucked. 36 hrs later and all I want to do is start training again. I know I hit a wall and I failed to run through it...it sucks. I'm a competitive guy and I feel I didn't give it my best. I'm not sure it if was nutrition, mental weakness or what but I know I'm better. The mind is an amazing thing. It feels great to know I finished a marathon but I feel incomplete. I need to do it one more time and test myself. I believe I can do a sub 4:30 if I put everything on the line for it.

What's next? I have a 70.3 Ironman in April and potentially another one in May. From there I'll take a month off and then start prep for Ironman Florida in November.

Thanks to everyone who offered up good will and feedback.