1. Max Hall - He is the winningest QB ever at BYU, enough said on that. He is now a grad assistant and will be hating you guys somewhere on our sidelines. He will do everything possible to win the game.

2. Offensive Line - Our guys are no longer big, fat hogs on the line. They have slimmed down and are ready to dominate the line of scrimmage. Brown, Hansen, Tushaus, Reynolds, Mathews, Anae, etc. These men have attitude and are ready to pancake your butts.

3. God - Same scheme, even better attitude. Every player has spoken out about the difference between CTR and UofU, and we will see a much improved team on 8/30.

4. Tradition, Spirit, Honor - This is the same successful program we have had for a long time. Nelson, Hoffman, Apo, KVN, Kaveinga, etc. The newbies will be inexperienced but will bring something that we have had for many seasons... tradition, spirit, honor.

5. Points on the Board - I THINK we can score more points than you. The more we score and keep your team from scoring, the better chance we have to win the game.

6. Cheerleaders - our cheerleaders are obviously better looking than yours... and they don't have crabs.

7. Stadium - Our stadium is really big! We can fit more in ours than you can in yours. And our scoreboards are new and will scare your players with our 3-D holograms that we will project onto the field to confuse and befuddle your players.

8. The new rover on Mars - Just because!

9. Tears - I will cry harder if we lose than you will if you lose. And surely God will have compassion on me and show apathy towards you.

10. Because we're tied with the Cougar mascot thing, it will come down to coaches' names, and a Bronco is more powerful than a Leech. Suck on that!