anonymously on cougar board, so I admire Tanner's courage. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I had problems bc I believed I could just suck it up and be a man. That mentality almost cost me my life.

The first signs of a problem for me were extreme stress (even in inconsequential matters),self loathing and self deprecating behavior followed by suicidal ideation. That was followed shortly by physical problems insomnia, acid reflux, tenseness. Followed by irritability, screaming and my wife and kids, and irrational thinking. It turned into a cycle from there each problem seeming to build onto the other

Pretty soon I felt like I was in a battle for my mortality on a daily basis. I felt like God hated me and felt like I was literally staring into the gates of hell on a constant basis. Things like getting out of bed, personal hygiene, and sitting in church or in groups felt like monumental tasks.

I won't go any further, but to say it is okay to get help. It's also important to be very honest with your mental health providers, so they can give a proper diagnosis. Follow that with regular visits for monitoring.