So this is the plot of the villain in Civil War as reviewed by Honest Trailers:

1. Blame the Avengers for my family's death even though Ultron killed them.

Uh-huh...

2. Decrypt millions(?) of Black Widow's SHIELD/HYDRA files to find out the identity of the Winter Soldier and the identity of his former handler.

Yeah...

3. Find the handler and hit his car. Hopefully, he answers the door at a creepy, secluded safe house.

Wrecks his car? Really?

4. Find the Winter Soldier's activation codes (hopefully in a cool-looking book). Learn how to use the codes myself -- I can do that, right?

Stealing a book? Okay.

5. Ask for "Mission Report: December 16, 1991", implying that I already know what happened. Whatever. If HYDRA guy doesn't answer, drown him.

I'm not sure he'd drown in that sink, though.

6. Hopefully, around this time, what happened in Sokovia will cause the government to press for superhero regulation, creating a rift between Captain America and Iron Man and an opportunity for me to frame Bucky for something and make them super duper mad at each other. That's bound to happen, right?

Okay, that makes sense.

7. Obtain a Bucky Barnes mask and wig (Halloween store?).

8. Bomb the signing of the new regulations (Sokovia Accords has a nice ring to it). Scowl for the cameras.

9. Hope that Captain America sides with Winter Soldier and Iron Man sides against them. If these two aren't fighting, I just bombed a building for no reason.

10. Build a homemade EMP device -- I can do that, right?

11. Wait for Bucky to get captured by Tony Stark's forces. If he escapes or is killed, or anyone else captures him, this plan is worthless.

12. Intercept, kill, and impersonate the psychiatrist brought in to analyze Bucky. Don't worry -- I'll know exactly who he is and when he will arrive, but no one else will even know what he looks like.

There's no way he knew when those guys were gonna show up.

13. Infiltrate Stark's insanely high-security government facility and gain unfettered access to the Winter Soldier. This facility will likely be guarded with maximum security, but I must be left ALONE with no one else in earshot or physical proximity. NO GUARDS!!

14. Arrange for my homemade EMP to be delivered precisely when I'm interviewing the Winter Soldier. If the package is late or gets inspected, this plan is worthless.

15. Activate the EMP and knock out power to the facility.

16. Use code words to activate the Winter Soldier. Fingers crossed they still work!

17. Ask Winter Soldier for "Mission Report: December 16, 1991". Again, I only need this specific report, which means I definitely probably already know what happened. I really hope Bucky killed Iron Man's parents, or this plan is worthless.

18. Have Winter Soldier fight the Avengers to cover my escape. Hopefully, he doesn't kill Cap or Iron Man. Also, if I'm caught, this plan is worthless.

19. Hopefully Captain America and Iron Man begin to disagree so much, they activate every other superhero to choose one side or the other, prompting a CIVIL WAR. But if either Cap or Iron Man is captured or killed, this plan is worthless.

20. Fly to Russia, call the room service lady so they can discover the psychiatrist's body, exposing my true identity and tipping off Iron Man, who will definitely get what's happening and then fly to Siberia ALONE to assist Captain America and Bucky, WHO HAVE ALSO TRAVELED ALONE so I can turn them against each other and they'll fight. If this doesn't happen exactly like that, this plan is worthless.

Wait, so he called the maid from Russia?

21. Kill the other frozen Winter Soldiers and wait for Cap and Iron Man to arrive. Listen to my dead wife's voicemail to pass the time.

Ah, the old "captured on purpose" ploy. Someone's been reading Loki's plan.

22. Reveal to Iron Man that Bucky killed his parents -- maybe there's a VHS tape or other convenient evidence? Like a security camera on a desolate forest road? It's a long shot, but hopefully there are multiple angles to see exactly what's happening.

23. Leave Iron Man, Cap, and Bucky to fight it out! Yes! I've defeated the Avengers! (If there's no winner, or they come to some kind of understanding -- this plan is worthless.)

24. Delete dead wife's voicemail. Kill myself. Hopefully, no one stops me.

Ughhh, this is dumber than Luthor's.