you don't know if you are safe, ever. It's the lumbering zombie of sickness. Sometimes you see it, and you know you need to run. Othertimes you think you have put enough distance between you and it, and you relax. but at any time, months, or even years later it can find you. And suddenly all hte fear of from when you first heard the words "you have cancer" returns. but you can't keep up your guard forever. So you will relax, when you haven't had a cancer scare for a while you will relax. and then something will happen, and you don't even know if it is cancer, but the fear returns. the fear of loss, the fear of missing life. all someone has to do is say the loved one with cancer is not feeling well, and you wonder is it the flu, or is it relapse.

this happened this morning.

I really hate cancer.