My 15 year old was exactly like your 11 year old.

On a particular difficult night just after he turned 12 he got into a fight a mutual night. The other kid was a reclusive kid himself and sometime said things that could be taken as mean. So naturally my son took it just that way and socked him.

It wasn’t a good idea as the other kid was not only 6” taller but about 50lbs heavier. It didn’t end well. Oh, and I was the YM President.

So what I did was just sit with him. I called him into my room so it was just him and I. I resisted calling him out on his part. I just sat with him. I started asking him about things I knew he was interested in. We talked for a long time.

One on one time is probably the best thing for him. Hobbies together work great for this one. One of my boys I take fishing, another I build hunting tools with (like a bow & arrow out of pvc)

One other thing I did that I think has had a very good impact on him was speaking directly to his strongest potential friends without him present.

I took his most emotionally mature friend aside one evening at mutual and simply talk to him about my sons emotional struggles. I told this kid that my son needs a good friend like him that will overlook his emotional weakness and forgive his trespasses. I told him that I was once like my son at his age and I had a friend that was like that and our friendship is still very strong. Then I asked him if he could be that kind of friend. He said yes and I thanked him and told him I was depending on his help to get my son through these hard years of life.

The kid was beaming after the chat and to this day openly speaks of being my kids best friend. It’s been a really good fit.