We pushed at him, started charging a minimal amount of rent, and told him he had to at least work part time. He didn't seem to change at all and wasn't progressing.

I took a job in another state and he decided to stay in Utah, where his friends were. I helped him get set up with an apartment and a car, and followed up with him and one of his friends often. He hated life and hated that he had to work. He wanted to spend all of his time with friends, playing games and enjoying life. He wasn't rowdy, he wasn't difficult. He just didn't want any responsibility.

His friends all loved him and thought he was a very giving, caring person. He'd help them with whatever they needed. But he didn't take responsibility for his life or his future. He delivered pizza to make a little money because he had to. He knew we loved him, but according to him only on our own terms. We wouldn't unconditionally take care of him as he wanted.

I could have continued to bail him out, but I thought it was best that he live on his own and take care of himself. A couple years later, he committed suicide, at age 28. His note said he just was tired of the pain of living. I look back often and wonder what I should have done differently. This was a kid that was just not ready to do what life demands of us. If we had stayed in Utah and let him continue to live with us, maybe he'd still be alive. Maybe one day he would have figured it out and been able to take care of himself. Maybe it would have just gotten worse and the outcome would have been the same. I'll never know, but I live with constant grief and guilt for my decisions.

Now, over 10 years later, I still don't know what I should have done. My advice would be not to push too hard for what YOU think is his best path. You're not the same as him and he has different needs.

I wish you, and him, the best.