can all bag on me. It's kinda freaking me out that you've all been so nice to me. 😏

It's been 12 years for me, but I do totally remember the feeling of hopelessness and despair of addiction. It can be easy for people who have never personally struggled with addiction to be... naively optimistic. I remember asking my dad for help, and he said "Just stop taking the pills." My verbatim response would not be appropriate, to share on CB, but the essence was essentially "Well, [crap] dad! Thanks! Why didn't I think of that."

I remember feeling doomed to being addicted forever. That hopelessness causes you to kind of shut down, and maybe hide. A lack of hope kills any motivation or desire to even try to get better.

Fear and hopelessness are two of Satan's most powerful tools- in general, and especially with addiction. YOU HAVE TO GET THOSE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR HEAD! They are 100% counterproductive, and they're also total lies.

There is *ALWAYS* hope!!! I mean that 100%.

The thing that pisses me off the most about addiction- it is 100% survivable. (I initially wrote "curable", but many people don't believe you're ever 100% cured... ) If you're diagnosed with stage-4 cancer, you can have the most positive outlook, do everything your doctor asks, give 100% to get better- and still die. There are many diseases where you're not in control over if/when you get better. But with addiction, if you give it 100%, and commit your soul to get better- you will. The reason this pisses me off is because so many people don't try... because they've lost hope.

Maybe you don't personally see it right now, but just trust the rest of us, who have been where you are now. Never forget- faith precedes the miracle. Remember that scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade- where he's at that dark chasm, and he's supposed to take a leap of faith... he can't see the bridge, until after you take that first step.

I *KNOW* how daunting and futile it seems right now.

Step 1- Contact your bishop- today! Most likely, there are others in your ward who have dealt with addiction- and he knows who to set you up with. If not, he can VERY easily find out. (As I said in my earlier post- I'm also very good friends with a guy- with a massive network- who helps people with addictions every single day. It's his job. I know he will talk to you, and give you advice.)

Don't worry about the details right now. Seriously, bro! I know a guy who felt a pain in his stomach- and he was convinced that he needed surgery, and he was so worried about how much it was all going to cost him, and how much work he'd have to miss... so he refused to go to a doctor. 18 months later, when he was in so much pain his wife had to take him to the ER, he found out that he had an ulcer. He didn't need surgery. He just needed a medication that cost him $40 a month. 🙄 You should not spend one more day addicted to pills than you have to.

To be honest, the price of your treatment will probably be a fraction of what you think it is- even if you don't have insurance. And if you can't afford that- your bishop will help. If you've paid tithing- now it's time to receive some blessings for that. If you haven't- it's okay. We all pay tithing- and we do so because we love the Lord, and want to help Him accomplish His mission through the Church- and healing you is part of that mission. In addition to the Church- there are community resources. This is totally doable. Whatever mistakes you've made are in the past. Don't let guilt hold you back. Guilt is just as toxic as hopelessness. You deserve to be happy, and your kids deserve to have the very best you.

I mentioned my little girl last night. She is 8 now. I love her so much, it's not even funny. I'm usually a VERY objective person- I have to be for my job- but I have 0% objectivity when it comes to my wife, my daughter, and my (step)son. (My wife jokingly teases me that our daughter would absolutely know who to come to, if she needed help burying a body.) 🙂 Well... I had the day off today, and spent the day at home. This afternoon, my wife took some clean laundry in to my daughter's room, to put it away. When she opened the top drawer, she found one of my daughter's pink soccer socks... full of batteries. (?) 🤔 My wife brought the sock out, gathered us together, and asked my daughter why she had a sock full of batteries. She *instantly* started tearing up.

My daughter is TINY. She's 6" shorter than the next shortest kid in her class last year. But she's cute, and super sweet, and funny- and has several little friends in the neighborhood. Last weekend, she and her friends were playing together, at a house down the street, when a chubby 10-year-old kid (also in the neighborhood) came over, and started messing with them. At one point, the kid stole a toy they were playing with, and when my daughter tried to get it back, the kid pushed her. She started bawling, and ran home. I wasn't home, but we talked about it that night- and we told her that if he ever approached them again, to run into whatever house they're at- and we'll call the parents.

Apparently... her older brother (13) then told her to fill a sock full of batteries... and when the kid came over, she could handle it herself- "old-school style". 😂 My wife and I then spent the next 10 minutes lecturing both kids about how dumb and dangerous that was. And how we don't handle things like that. But later, when my wife and I were alone, we laughed hysterically. That is SO something that my bros and I would have done when we were young. She has SO many attributes that are like my wife and I. She has our genetics. She's got a piece of me inside her.

WHY am I sharing this with you???

1. She wouldn't be here... if I didn't get better.

2. Just like my daughter has a piece of me in her, you have a piece of our Heavenly Father in you. You possess HIS spiritual genetics, and were created in His image. And the worth of every single, individual soul is priceless. Especially yours.

And don't be freaked out about the "rehab" process. It's hard- but it gets better and better, every single day. As I said, I was physically uncomfortable. I had some aches and pains, as the drugs were leaving my body. But the clarity, and the mental boost, and the increased energy I felt was worth it. And to be honest, after being numb for years- even the physical pain felt amazing. (I lost 80 lbs in about 3 months, and my life was totally different by Christmas!)

I'm here for you bro. And so are the rest of us. (We're also here for anyone else struggling!) Feel free to send me a private message.

Alright... like I said- I'm going to revert back to being a Ute again- so you can all tell me to get off the board! 😉

(I did go to grad school at BYU, so I *do* cheer for BYU 11/12 games of the year. I just like the Utes more. Kinda like I love my wife more than my delinquent kids. 🙂)