I wanted to be extinguished body and spirit. I was a vessel of wrath for over a decade. Praying only brought more pain…. Nothing worked. In the end I only had the hope of some day living with God in a state of Happiness. All other hopes of life/dreams has been extinguished for me. The lord brought me forth and healed me.

But such a crucible often without relief for a long long time. I understand the perspective Vegas guey and Socrates cite in a most personal way.