The idea that Tom would have to say "shove it" to Kalani? All he'd have to say for Kalani to be frustrated is "yeah, I really want that too but can't justify it". We've all seen some version of this in our professional lives. Ever had a boss that wants to give you a raise, more staff, a raise for your staff, etc but didn't because the money just isn't there or corporate said no?
The proof that Kalani doesn't have what he feels he needs, especially going into the Big12, is in the pudding. Take a good dive I to what the football staff at other schools looks like compared to BYUs.
I think Tom WANTS to give Kalani everything Kalani wants. But there are constraints that won't let him or make the process slow. So Tom can say all of the right things but execution is different