Both teams get an equal number of possessions or close to it. The chances to score are nearly identical other than a field position factor which is negated when teams go 3 and out which our offense does regularly.
I think the standards for the offense shouldn’t hinge on the defensive performance. And vice versa.
one side of the ball can play a great game and we can still lose because the other side played poorly. Which is more or less what my OP states.
And for what it's worth we often have low time of possession and a high score because our offense scores so fast. Hard to blame the defense for being on the field when our offense scores in 2 plays.
Bottom line for me is I think both sides of the ball should be judged independently from one another as much as possible. I expect the defense to get stops and I expect the offense to score no matter where they start on the field.