understand. But for those who don't believe in the church, it is likely you've encountered some 'persecution', 'bigotry', or just simple ignorance. I know Mormons tend to feel they are the victims of these things and would never do them to others. But I know that as I've had questions, I've faced several ignorant comments and have been marginalized by those closest to me. I understand that it can be threatening to have a loved one study and learn about the church, then question, and after years of asking and praying, leaving the church. Especially if they had served in multiple bishoprics and a stake presidency - as I did. I still attend church with my wife and children, solely for that purpose, to be with them and support them. But I no longer believe in the church. And I often feel strange about my affinity for BYU sports, now that I feel apart from most of it's fan base.

I could give tons of examples of how I'm discounted, and marginalized in my role as a father now that I'm no longer believing. I could tell you of friends who though well intended, apologize profusely to my wife for what she must be going through, dealing with her apostate husband. The threats from my wife to leave a loving husband who cares for her, and her children more than anything, because she thinks God wants her to love the church more than keep her family together. The interventions from my parents, my in laws, bishops, stake presidents, area 70's, sister-in-laws, former bishops, and old companions, as well as becoming a project...until I share the product of my study. Then, instead of answers, or understanding, I get categorized as lazy, or prideful, or immoral. I mean, I must be looking at porn or super lazy, if after years of study, and countless books, having read the standard works through several times, regular temple attendance, married in the temple, served a mission worthily, actually read all versions of Joseph Smith's 1st vision, and exercising faith in the holy ghost to help me discern truth from error. Cause that sounds lazy. Then I hear, well, either did it with the wrong intention or you spent too much time in anti-Mormon literature. Of course, I never considered that the church could be anything but true for decades, so I'm not sure how it could be possible that I had an ulterior motive to prove it false. And being a good Mormon (sorry - member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints), I greatly feared anti-Mormon sources and restricted my study to materials obtained only from the church, or its proxies (Deseret Book). I still have yet to go into the anti-Mormon stuff, because it upsets my wife. But I would like to read some of the more scholarly biographies on some of my ancestors (I have several apostles / 1st presidency members in my line), but my wife isn't comfortable with them as they are not published by the church or sold at a church owned bookstore. Out of respect for her, and in an effort to maintain a marriage, I do not read them.

As I was saying, I could go on and on about how much 'persecution' (persecution feels too strong, but it seems like the right word) I get as a post-Mormon. But it would take too much time. But I hope my word vomit above perhaps gives some perspective to active and believing members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. I know I never considered apostates as peers when I was fully in, but hope that some of you can find a more Christlike place in a world where there are an exponentially increased number of post-Mormons in BYU blue.